(Cover art provided by JazzyQ. Edit, now Jassie Q. Has a live reading which can be seen here.)
Life hasn't been easy for Prince Blueblood ever since a certain unicorn mare lashed out at him. In fact, he's barely a prince in everything but title.
Hoping to take his mind off his troubles, Blueblood pays a visit to a casino in Canterlot, where he soon discovers he's not the only one who's life has been ruined.
So, instead of simply playing cards, these ponies decide to see who's had it the worst. And each of them are convinced that their story cannot be beaten. And Blueblood will be darned if he sits out on this discussion.
(Based off of the Batman The Animated Series Episode "Almost Got 'Im".)
Chapters (1)
For anyone who might not know that awesome episode, here's a preview:
Not bad, not bad at all.
love this story
5143332 Most likely not.
5143352 It's the villans at their very best, and most human.
5143692
Plus, it has this hilarious line:
Indeed it is.
Joker: Anyone else want to go?
Killer Croc: ME! There I was, holed up in this quarry, when Batman came snooping around. He was getting closer... closer...
Poison Ivy: And?
Killer Croc: I threw a rock at him!
(the others stare dumbfounded for a few moments, then decide to just ignore Croc)
Killer Croc: (sheepish) It was a big rock...
As I was reading the description, all I was thinking about how much this sounded like an episode of Batman. Then I saw that you put that that's what it was based on and I was like
So awesome!
5143775 Best moment of the episode, right there.
The story was decent enough, even if I felt some of their perspectives felt a bit exaggerated. I know they're the antagonists and all, so a self-serving bias makes a lot of sense, but I felt that even considering that, it went a bit too far in places. I also find all of the others agreeing that Blueblood's story was the best at the end especially odd; this kind of agreement was not present in Almost Got 'Im for a good reason. If they're all so self-serving, this kind of reaction seems off.
A problem I had was a high number of grammar issues. Ignoring some spelling problems (e.g. "generoisty" should be "generosity" and "undoubtly" should be "undoubtedly") the story also does what a lot of stories unfortunately do: Get the punctuation of dialogue completely wrong. There's a great guide right here on this very site for how to punctuate dialogue. The whole thing is worth a read, but the dialogue part I think is especially useful because reading it would cure so many errors I see in stories. The story is still quite readable, but there are enough errors that I took notice of them.
space after the ","
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Okay two biggest problems of this fic.
1) Your indentions are all over the place. If you hit the Tab button once. All of your paragraphs will be uniformly indented.
and
2) Happens a lot in this fic. When doing dialog. You need a comma [or some writers a period] when starting it up again. I'll use one of your dialogs as an example.
This is how it should look.
______________________
Why is it marked complete? After all, rather than an ending, you open it up into a larger fic. Since rather than ending after their little game they decide to team up. What now? What will they do? How will this all play out? You basically set up a premise of Equestria's first real life League of Villains, yet end it just as the fic starts.
Although I'll admit the fic all in all, other than feeling incomplete do to a lack of an ending. Was nice. I'll give it an upvote.
5145119
I hear you, but I think the perspectives worked here because these guys simply do not wish to face the facts.
Sometimes, when some folks wrong someone and do not acknowledge it, they'll tell themselves that the victim deserved it, or that 'it really wasn't THAT bad', or anything else that might ease their own minds. Basically, they rewrite the story in their heads to place the blame on someone else or on the circumstances. It's a normal, but unjust practice, sadly.
Great story, do you plan to write a sequel.
5147158 Don't think so. If you want to write one though, go right ahead.
Good story, but one other part that was missed:
should be the last batch. Had they gone for the first batch, the brothers would have won. It was the last batches that were contaminated, the first were perfectly fine.
I have no read it yet, but Jazzy has not left the site, but simply goes by JazzieQ now
5143692 I'm surprised Gilda and Trixie weren't here.
Otherwise great Story!!
Seeing the prepective of the "Villians" is an interesting twist.
This one shot sounds like a prologue to a great story idea
I've always thought of Blueblood as a villain.
6317156
um, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that, if I'm reading this story correctly, that at this point in time Trixie is trying to turn herself around and Gilda is currently in Griffonstone trying (and failing) to sell scones to earn enough money to move somewhere else entirely...
I would imagine a sequel where Trixie joins the group. However, she is secretly a mole working with the Mane Cast, sabotaging the plans of Prince Barfbag (as Spike would call him) and his cronies.
Who is Lightning Dust's sister? Suri claims to know her, but we never got a name!
7498226
Probably Spitfire, or at least that's my theory.
This would make an amazing two parter. Shame it'll probably never happen...
Ouuuh The truth hurts, doesn't it? Blueblood based
I LOVED THIS STORY.
It's a real headache to find stories that give episodic antagonists this kind of attention, and it's a shame, because they too have enormous potential.
It was very interesting to read the perspective of the events that the antagonists have, as the saying goes: "the story is told by the victor, but time gives voice to the defeated."
Reading the conversation they had made me remember the Sinister Six, from Spectacular Spiderman, with Blueblood acting as Doctor Octopus
I also once had an idea to write a fanfic relating an alliance between these antagonists (with Trixie and Gilda added), but I never dared to enter the world of writing.
Either way, excellent story, goes straight to favorites
I did a reading of your story with a full cast! I hope you enjoy it! It premieres tomorrow (August 19th, 2023) at 10:30 PM EST.